Invader Zim and all relating characters © Jhonen Vasquez Marvin the Martian/X-2 and related characters © Warner Brothers. Used without permission and for the sole purpose of entertainment.

Fandom: Invader Zim/Duck Dodgers

Pairing:ZimxMarvin

Rating: PG

Not in this LightYear
by: Spug

Chapter One: The Man? from Mars.



It wasn’t the fourth of July.

And it wasn’t a celebration of a New Year.

He knew that on these silly Earth holidays, the skies would be lit up in a festive display of lights, their true meaning unclear, but if to hypnotize the entire population into bubbling, drooling, staring brainless fools for an hour or so.

Not that they weren’t fools already. But the sudden flare of light in tonights sky had nothing to do with Human festivities. It made sensors bleep and radars hiss with an extra ordinary delight. It’s blazing firelight streak across the filthy planet’s sky for one glorious moment...

.. And then it exploded on the ground.

“ LOCATION! COORDINATES! GIVE THEM TO ME NOW! “ A black gloved hand was shaken in a vicious manner for faster acknowledgment of his cries, the other tugging at the handles of a squeaky tri-wheeled vehicle. If only the malfunctioning droid would comply. Instead it sang and got entangled in the paper from the Irken computer.

“ GIR! You worthless Unit. NOW! “

“ It’s like ah party! “ Sparks danced as the android tore off a section of the printouts and hopped on the handle bars of the tricycle. “ Due West Master. Two kilometers! “

Both door and screen were tore open as the Irken sped down the sidewalk. The clock had read only three A.M. Much too early for puny earth-creatures to be up and about. Enough time for him to get a drop on what had entered the atmosphere, and with any luck, use it to conquer this pathetic planet.

Zim couldn’t help but let out a devilish laugh as he peddled down the road. Pink eyes lowered to match his sadistic smile. Antenna waving behind him. Three A.M. required no disguise. His His SIR Unit, Gir sat on the trikes handlebars, his tongue flapping in the wind.

“ If it’s an Meteoroid. We’ll harness any energy it has left to fuel a WEAPON OF DOOM! “

“ DOOM! “ Gir echoed.

“ If it’s any sort of space metal, we’ll create a WEAPON OF DOOM! “

“ DOOM! “ Ditto.

Zim always had the good ideas. Huffing and puffing, he neared the Skool and could see the still blazing fire from where the item had landed. Perhaps this would be the key. To destroying Dib and the rest of the foolish humanoids. He had to have any power within his grasp.

Rounding the courtyard of the skool, the smoke from the previous crash became almost chokingly thick. Blanketing the skool-yard with a polluted spooktacular effect. Like in the B-rated movies they showed on late night brain-washer. Peddling into the unknown didn’t seem like the best idea, so Zim skidded to a stop in the grass and slid off the trike.

Waving a gloved hand in front of his face, the Irken squinted and tried to see into the all consuming smoke. The flicker of flames, dark twisted shapes that seemed half buried in the ground. He couldn’t make much out. Fumes overwhelming and making him slightly nauseous. But he didn’t need to risk his own neck on surveying. He had a SIR unit.

“ Gir! “ Zim growled and booted at his malfunctioning android. The tiny gray unit was busy eating grass. “ Do what you’re made to do and use your high-tech programming and tell me if there is ANYTHING worth salvaging here! “

“ We’re missing the reruns. “ Gir whined, but did as he was told. The SIR unit’s blue glowing eyes shifted to a more malevolent red and he stepped into the smoke, heading toward the crash site, calling out the occasional. “ Oooo I found a penny! Someone went wee-wee in the floooower bed! Gonna need a turtle wax after this.. It’s STINKY in here! “

Zim tapped his boot against the grass and crossed his arms. Brows lowered. His normal green coloration taking on a darker shade of near blue in the low light. Growing impatient with the lack of cooperation from his SIR Unit.


“ GIR! If you DON’T find something WORTHWHILE very shortly, I’m going to put you in the blender again! “

“ But I LIKE the blender! “ The SIR Unit chirp back from deep within the smoke. Zim squinted and tried to see, but to no avail. At least it seemed the fire was dying out. That could be a bad thing, if it had consumed all there was to consume, this trip had been pointless.

“ GIR. I’m LOSING my PATIENCE! “

“ Weeeeeeeeee! “ The Android suddenly sung out. “ Someone stuck a shoe brush in the ground, I will use it to polish my backs– “

The SIR Unit was cut off by a high pitched sound. Laser fire! Any Irken knew the sound of laser fire, but before Zim could react, Gir came flying out of the smoke squealing and waving his small arms in glee...

..right before he slammed into Zim and knocked the both of them flat on their backs in the grass.

Zim laid stunned for a moment. Eyes wide and staring up at the night sky. Beside him, Gir let out a wheeze, his chest baring an unsightly singe mark. “ Gir deserves a Taco for that one. “

“ Quiet. “ Zim groaned and pushed himself up on his arms. Antenna straightening as he shifted his gaze to the cloud of smoke. Whoever..whatever had just fired a laser was slowly coming into view. Zim let his muscles strain, ready for action, to deal with what ever foolish creature DARED to fire upon the Conquering Irken.

A series of low clicks and beeps reached his ears from the advancing smoky form. Soft sounds of feet crunching in the grass. Zim let out a nervous snort and opened up the patches on his back unit, the long silver spider-like legs starting to emerge.

And then he got his first look at the creature as it stepped from the smoke. Clicking and beeping. It’s all of... two feet and some inches of either smoke stained skin, or black in nature... threat! A Soot covered hand dusting at a strange green metal skirt that allotted it’s humanoid waist. Thin, Short, A helmet of some sort over it’s rounded head. A bristled brush, obviously what Gir had discovered, frayed and burnt. Standing on two legs with large shoes. From what Zim could see, it didn’t seem to have any facial features. But he could see that it had a laser gun, pointed up at the moment, the tip still smoldering from the blast.


Zim blinked and then gasped. With a hiss of anger the rest of his spider-like metal legs shot from his back and soon leveled him above the ground. This? THIS tiny.. Whatever it was, DARED to fire upon the GREAT CONQUER ZIM?!? He opened his mouth to snarl out his displeasure.

But all that came out was “ GrrrrraaaaaahaaaaaaPPPPH! “
( Which Gir Immediately Echoed. )

The new comer, obviously another al!wto stopped it’s dusting and lifted it’s head toward Zim, two very big, very round, very black eyes opened, and settled on the Irken. Head tilting as Zim’s scream/rant ended and it let out another series of clicks, blinking slowly.

Zim blinked back, and stood put. Suspended on his legs. Eyeing the strange creature. What was it? Was it male or female? What did it want? For almost a full minute, the two aliens stared at each other. Just off to the left, a cricket chirped.
ir bir broke the silence. ‘ It sings beautifully! “

“ SILENCE GIR! “ Zim hissed at his SIR Unit. And turned his attention back to the other alien.

“ Oh goody! You know the native tongue on this dirty planet as well! “ A soft, effeminate tone rang out from the new comer and it tilted it’s head in a cute manner. No mouth movements. Telepathic perhaps? Zim’s own mouth drooped in a confused manner.

“ I had a little mishap with my ship... “ The other alien lowered it’s gun and took a few steps toward Zim. Eyes half-lidded in a calm manner. “ I apologize for shooting your android, it took to gnawing on my helmet... “

“ Gir.. “ Zim said stupidly. Still shocked and still hanging there. He was still having trouble decided how to treat this creature. Female? Male? He couldn’t tell! It was wearing a skirt...

The other alien blinked and stopped it’s advance. A brow raising over one of it’s large eyes. “ You....DO understand me, don’t you? “ One gloved hand was raised and the other alien tapped it’s helmet. “ You’re an IRKEN aren’t you? Funny, Their usually sooo tall.. “

Zim suddenly sputtered to life. What? How? “ HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? YOU’RE IN LEAGUES WITH THAT DIRTY EARTHLING DIB AREN’T YOU?!” As he screamed, spit rained out and Zim rose higher on his spider legs. Eyes flashing with rage. “ Well I’m not going to LET you. GIR ATTACK FORMATION! “


“ Dib? “ The small black alien blinked at the sudden outrage. “ Oh my.. “ Head craning up towards the now towering Irken. “ Nonono.. I come in peace, Irken, there’s no.. ERP! “

The ebony colored Alien’s eyes widened as twin metal tentacles shot from the Irken’s back and wrapped full around it’s body. Squeezing tight and quickly rendering the other alien trapped. Uncomfortable. The metal was cold. With a quick flip, Zim leveled the other alien upside down and began to viciously shake it.

“ Drop your weapon, scum, or I shall break any existing bones in your body! “ Puffing out his chest in his act of sneaky dominance, Zim choose the moment to grin off his wavy shaped teeth to the outsider. “ Gir! Fetch the weapon. “

A low groan escaped the other alien. Tho the Irken displayed extreme hostility, it remained calm, if not, slightly muffed, and it voiced such. “ Ooooo you’re an Irritating one, Why are you Irken’s always so hyper? Here take it. “ Eye lids lowered and it sighed as Gir climbed up one of Zim’s legs and monkey-bared up to where the other alien dangled. Reaching out, the SIR unit snatched the laser gun. Pausing for a moment, the android darted out it’s tongue and licked the other alien in it’s face.

“ GIR! Hand me that weapon! “

“ It TASTES Like the black stuff in the bottom of the stove! “ Gir giggled and then climbed onto Zim’s head. Passing the weapon down to his Master.

The new comer fawned it’s brows and huffed. Lithe chest pressing against the cold metal that encircled it’s chest. “ Does your android ALWAYS lick your enemies? “

“ Silence. “ Zim swung the laser in one hand triumphantly, smiling. Leveling an eye to his captured foe. “ .. He’s just malfunctioned, it’s not MY fault.. BUT.. That’s NONE of your concern STRANGE creature possibly friend of D- “

“ Martian. “ The other alien interrupted. Letting it’s shoes drop a bit. Clearly discomforted.

“ What? “ Zim squared a brow, clearly confused.

“ Maaaaaartiaaaaan. “ The other repeated. This time it’s tone seemed somewhat snooty. “ As in, I’m from Mars. Not very far from here, granted. “ It closed it’s eyes. ‘ My name is X-2, *Commander* X-2, of the Martian Army. I’m not even supposed to BE on this planet, I was surveying, and had a malfunction. “

“ Martian? “ Zim curled his lip and leaned inward. Really close to this said Martian’s face. Eyes squinting as he studied it. Gir did the same, humming as he leaned in..

.. And then took to licking the Martian’s shoe.

“ Hmph. Fine. Say you ARE from Mars. That doesn’t convince me you’re NOT in leagues with my enemy. “ Zim shot out a hand and tapped the Martian on the forehead. “ Even if you’re not, I’ve already have this planet well on it’s way to being conquered by the Irken Race, and ZIM does not take KINDLY to Rivalry! “

The other alien rolled it’s eyes and huffed slightly. Female! Like the pink-bubble blowing ski ear earth-children. In superior!

“ Oh Really? “ The Martian shook HER head. “ From what my surveillance of the planet has told me, there’s about as much Irken conquering going on this pathetic planet as there is vast intelligence. Could you set me dooooown now? “

This jiffed Zim. “ SILENCE! “ He shook his first at the Martian. “ OBEY THE FIST! I am the NEW LEADER on this STINKY ROCK BECAUSE I SAID SO! A Silly little Martian Female isn’t even worthy of presence of the GREAT ZIM! “

Gir jeered out a “ INNA SKIRT! “ Lick.

“ FEMALE?!? “ The Martian’s brows lowered dangerously, and a flush of red danced over HIS face. “ I’m NOT a FEMALE you irritating SHORT Irken! Are you blind as well as a incompetent conqueror? “

“ SHORT?! “ Zim roared back. “ HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME, YOU LITTLE FOOL, I’LL CRUSH YO— oh you’re a male. My bad. “ Zim rubbed at the back of his head. “ I wasn’t sure and guessed. “

“ My Bad! My Bad! “ Gir made kissing noises and then went to playing cowboy on Zim’s antenna.

The Martian, X-2, He humphed and glared back at Zim. “ Could of just asked, honestly. “ He rolled his eyes again. “ Now.. IRKEN.. ZIM.. Whatever you call yourself. Couldn’t we come to some mutual agreement, one that either allows you to set me on the ground or AT LEAST upright me. All my bloods going to me head... “ His big black eyes went rather cross. “ I’m think I’m going to faint.. “

Zim rubbed his chin and finally up righted the Martian. He didn’t sent him down tho, instead, those long mechanical spider legs began to move and he skittered over the court yard. “ Very well, MARTIAN. Here’s the deal I will purpose to you. YOU are now my Prisoner, till I can be completely sure you are telling me the complete truth. Until then, I’m not letting you out of my sights to let DIB know you’re here. THAT Accursed Earthling. “

X-2 sighed and managed to wiggle one arm out of the metal bonds. Plopping his face down on his glove, he lowered his eyelids and stared irritated at the Irken. “ Deals usually consisted of BOTH parties getting something out of it, you know, Irken. “

“ I won’t CRUSH you. That’s what you get, Martian X-2. “ Zim swatted at Gir and picked up speed. The metal tips of his spider legs clicked against the asphalt.

“ Oh Goody... “ The Martian slumped slightly, and then turned his attention up ahead. “ Where are you taking me anyway? “

Zim looked up at the dangling Martian in front of him and smiled. A nasty kind of smile. “ My sub-lair on this Accursed rock! From which I will RULE this Dirty planet. “

“ Yes.. you’ve told me that. “ The Martian sighed again, and looked down at the Irken’s SIR Unit, that was gnawing on his shoe. “ Gir was it? “

The droid stopped slobbering to look up with a stupid smile. “ Nice to meet you! X-2 is a silly name, Have another? “

“ Marvin. “

“ I LIKE that One! “

“ GIR. Be Quiet! Marvin IS better then X-2 “ Zim rounded another corner, his human-liar straight ahead. “ Behold, MARVIN. You’re NEW home for quiet a while. I hope your stay is horrible! “

“ Hooray! I’ll Make TACOS! “ Gir cheered!

“ Oh ..“ Marvin rolled his eyes again. Tapping his ebony cheek with one gloved finger. “ ..goody. “

Chapter Two: The Pretty House is Watching

It honestly couldn't be considered one of X2's better visits to this rock that obscured his view of Venus. Irken's go figure, eh? As for his current captor, Zim, Marvin wasn't quite sure of what to make of him. Ten percent hot air; ninety percent ego? It might have been the other way around, really. Personally, he much rather liked the robot. They’d been almost to what the Irken had called his base when it dawned on the green alien that he’d forgetting his vehicle back at the crash site. So they had to go allll the way back to retrieve it.

Now, pressed between the Irken and the rough metal handlebars of the strange earth vehicle, Marvin was forced to scrunch his legs to his chest and hold to the handles. The Irken had kept one of his cold metal tentacles wrapped around his body, probably to keep him from escaping as they were once again seemingly on their way to the Base. Zim was peddling viciously and his robot, GIR, had gone to sleep upon his head.

“ YES. It is indeed fortunate you arrived at this time. Who knows what these pathetic earth monkies would have done if you had crashed into a picnic or something similarly triffle which humans do. “ The Irken was loud when he spoke, and it was very hard to tell if he was speaking to anyone but himself. Marvin considered this statement to be refering to to the planets current darkness, tho this was fading fast. The sky was beginning to fade into a vermilion hue.

“ Oh yes, quite fortunate indeed. “ Marvin had a bit of a mock tone to his telepathical voice when he spoke back. The Martian was a bit triffed about his predicament He’d pretty much been kidnapped by this irritating loudmouthed Irken, and so far, all Zim seemed to favor was badmouthing everything. “ But you can’t honestly expect a lower species to treat a new arrival with much respect. “ The black alien tucked his head against his gloved hands, his eyes sliding to the side. “.. when not even the planet’s would-be conquerors harbor such. “

“ Keep your headmouth silent about respect! “ The Irken barked at him and cut a sharp corner. “ Why should I have respect for a species that so lavishly show off their flesh? Eh? Answer me that No-Mouth! “

No-Mouth? Marvin’s eyes narrowed with the insult at both his dress and his facial features. The Martain’s thin chest expanded in the metal that bound him and let let out a rather muffled trill. “ You Irken’s are so PRUDE. “ He snapped back. One arm was held up for the other alien to view, or to block his view, either way. “ It’s beautiful skin, why hide it? Honestly.. “

“ Keep that disgusting meattwig away from me! “ Zim growled and jabbed Marvin in his shoulder. “ It is disgusting and a vile display of uncivilization. You should be ashamed of yourself! “

Irkens. Honestly. Marvin let out a sigh and slumped his arm back down against the metal bars and shook his head. “ Nevermind. Where is this base of yours? My legs are possivitley cramping! “

“ My base? “ The Irken’s voice seemed to pick up on ego if if that was possible, and snapped an arm past the Martain’s helmet and pointed. “ Why my beautiful base is right up ahead. BEHOLD it’s GLORY! “

Indeed, X2 focused his rather large and vivid eyes on the structure ahead as Zim peddled toward it. A neon green house with a pink roof, the colors were an eyesore against the rest of the neighborhood. The yard was jagged and nearly choked out with various lawn ornaments. Marvin tilted his head as the Irken zoomed up the driveway and skidded the vehicale to a stop. As he unstraddled the bike, he set the Martain down on the pavement and finally slid the metal tentacle from about the other’s body.

“ Does it not awe your unworthy eyes? “

“ It is very very pretty. Ohh the colors. “ Marvin relaxed as he was freed and turned his attention to the lawn. He was busy staring at the gnomes and flamingos while the Irken pressed something on the handle bars of his vehicle and it disappeared from view. Perhaps, sunk into the ground. “Very very pretty colors.. Tho I don’t understand all the statues you have.. Are they some sort of idol worship? “

The Irken seemed to cackle to this, and patted one of his gnomes on it’s pointy headed hat. “ Heh, hehe, silly black headed alien. These are my security systems! Behold, the flamingo creature is a camera, as are my puffer fish. They alert my gnomes here, who have such INCREDIBLE power shooting out of their eyes at anyone who dares step foot onto Zim's property!” He seemed to take much joy in blurting his entire system to the Martian.

“ Oh my.. How exciting. “ Marvin tucked both hands behind his back as he took in all this information from the other alien. One of his enormous black eyes squinting in amusement. Irken’s thought they were so advanced and beyond everything else, yet this Zim seemed to worry not about exposing his layout to someone he figures to be an enemy? Well, Marvin would just save this information for later. “ And earthlings are none-the-wise? “

Zim pulled Gir from his head as he headed for the front door. “ Human beings, as you will undoubtably learn during your stay here, are incredibly stupid. They only TRUELY recognize aliens if we prance around in our true forms before their eyes, and show off our spaceships. But I, being the great Invader that I am, have devised such an amazing disguise that all are fooled! ...sans one, but he's a big headed dolt with pointy hair. ANYWAY..GET IN! “ He growled at Marvin, one hand reaching out and shoving at the Martian as the other popped the front door open.

“ WELCOME HOME SON! “

The Martian screeched and jumped back as two earthling like droids popped out and chimed spontaneously together, and almost as quickly retracted into the house. In that split second, Marvin had slid behind the Irken, peeking out over Zim’s shoulder with wide terrified eyes. “ What are those?? “

The Irken was obviously not amused by Marvin’s sudden terror. He scoffed and snatched the Martian’s wrist and began tugging him into the house. “ They are robot parents, No-Mouth rodent, to fool stupid earth-monkeys that Zim is just another smelly primate on this pathetic planet.. Cease your bubbling scaredy-skirt. “

“ You don’t have to Tug! “ The Irken’s rudeness quickly faded to quirk anger from the Martian. X2 disliked being treated in such a manner, and as he was rather rudely shoved into the house, he turned back toward the Irken and scrunched his brows. “ You could ASK! You needn’t shove and you needn’t insult me with names, You are honestly the most aggravating creature I have ever met. “ Followed by a bit of a foot stomp. Marvin was very displeased, and he was assuring to do his best to prove that to this foul Irken.

“ Irken’s don’t NEED politeness. “ Zim snapped right back, and tossed his Robot into the room. GIR landed next to a tube monitor, giggled something about pigs and weenies , and rolled back to sleep. The Irken seemed to ignore the Martian for a moment as he etched his gloved hand against his antenna, a high squeaking sound squealed out, causing the Martian to cringe before attempting another stab at putting the Irken in his place.

“ Oh pish-tosh. “ Marvin replied, rolling his eyes. “ Every species can benefit form politeness and respect. Honestly... you Irkens. “ Those glove hands went curled to his narrow waist and held the pose as he coyly lowered his eyes at the other. “ All you believe in is power, domination. weapons and.. “ he let his voice settled to a tone of mockery. “.. height. A little politeness would do you good. “

Apparently his little insight got the Irken’s attention, because Zim’s pink and red eyes budged and he stepped toward the Martian. “ Silence you brush-headed dolt. You Martians aren’t any better, with your senseless demolition of planets because they ‘aren’t pretty enough’ or they ‘ block your view.’ Who’d obey you after all that? Space dust? .. TELL ME? “ Those buggish eyes narrowed dangerously as he continued to approach the other. “ ..and just what did you mean with how you pronounced height anyway? “

The Irken was imposing his dominance, attempting to get Marvin to back down by pressing issues and insults. Well, Marvin was far too annoyed by this time to settle back and just let his captor beat at him like some cheap carpet. The coyness only heightened. “ Oh? “ Marvin casted a glance over one shoulder as the Irken began to circle him. “ ..I mean, it must be soooo horrible for you, It’s no secret that you Irken’s base so much on such a trifle thing as whose the tallest after all. “

The was a vein appearing on the Irken’s forehead, and his teeth were grinding together, but Marvin continued leaning inward toward the other, head tilted to the side. “ We Martians don’t bother with such silly personal tributes and such, after all, I’m the smallest Martian on the Mars, and I’m commander of the Martian Army. Tsk Tsk. “

Zim exploded at this. He let out a gnarling howl and stabbed his finger in the Martians face. “ .. AT LEAST I DON’T WEAR A SKIRT! “

Marvin jumped back as Zim was nearly drooling with rage, small framed posed to see in the Irken would attack. He looked as if he would. Zim continued to snarl and the finally growled and turned away from the Martian grabbing up what looked like a wig and a pair of glossy contacts.

“ Either way, I'm off to collect what remains of your pathetic little spaceship before the Dib human comes along. Don't touch or breath on anything or... I'll lay eggs in your chest! And try to leave, and my Gnomes will blast you a mouth. Tallest knows you need it so next time I can shoot your teeth down your throat!" “ He stomped toward the door, leaving the Martian pressed against the wall staring after him.

“ You are positively the WORST hospitable alien I’ve ever met “ Marvin finally peeped out as the Irken flung open the door.

“ AND YOU’RE THE MOST FEMINIST! “ Zim growled back, and slammed the door hard enough to shake pictures from the walls.

End Chapter Two
Next: Toilets, Tubes and Poop Soda

Chapter Three: Toilets, Tubes and Poop Soda

“ I’m not a girl! “ Marvin snapped to the closed door, pressing a bit harder to the wall as miscellaneous items rained down around him. This base was a cluttered mess. Such a temper the Irken had. He could surely use a few lessons on how to behave around others.

“ Masssster? “ The SIR unit was awaken by all the noise and it’s eyes shifted colors as it sat up yawning. It stretched it’s thin arms over it’s head and began to frantically look about for Zim. “ Masssster? Masssster? “ It sounded heartbroken and even began to weep quietly to itself.

Odd little item. Marvin tilted his head and finally stepped quietly from the wall, hands held over his face just encase another item decided it was loose enough to come crashing down. He approached the weepy SIR unit and reached out cautiously and patted it on the head. “ There there now, your Master has just stepped out to retrieve what’s left of my spaceship, I’m sure he will return shortly. “

This seemed to immediately console GIR and it leaped to his feet in happiness. “ Great! Yay! Whoop! Weenies! “ Little metal hand was shot out and snatched the edge of Marvin’s skirt and the robot tugged lightly. “ I show you around! Wanna tour, Huh? Wanna tour? “

Marvin placed a hand on his chin and rubbed ideally, looking down at the tiny SIR Unit. A tour would be good, tho Zim had instructed him to not even breath on anything. Tho, Marvin highly doubted that most of the Irken’s threats were more then just hot air. So he straightened his shoulders and cooed down to the robot. “ Why a tour would be lovely! “

“ Hehehe. “ GIR giggled and then cooed back. “ Master’s NEVER had a girlfriend over before.. I will show you his sleepgoo. “ The robot skipped and tugged the Martian toward a door. “ Come-on! “

“ Girlfriend? “ The Martian let out a sigh as he followed the robot. “ I’m not a girl, honestly. “ He couldn’t help but chuckle to the statement tho, adding. “ Even if I was, your master is far to prude... Sleepgoo? “ Oh that sounded, eh. “ How about you show me his Tools? I’d so love to see if he has any Tools.”

“ Tool Tools, Miss? “ Apparently there would be no convincing the robot that the Martian was male. The skirt had solely convinced it. As they entered what seemed to be a kitchen, the robot twirled about. “ Ohhhh Master has many many Tools. He has so many that he warns that I will poke my eye out on them one day. “

Shoes squeaked against the floor as they traveled through the house. Marvin kept polite and spoke to the robot as if he was talking to a young child. It seemed to have the mentality of one. “ Ooooo Really? That many tools? I’d so love to see them? Can you show me where he keeps them? Please? “ That was the plan. Check out what the Irken had in his power. If this was indeed a super kind of base that Zim boasted about, no doubt the Irken had some kind of laboratory. The Martian would need tools, metal and power to fix his spaceship. The sooner he got off this rock and returned to Mars, the better.

GIR gasped at the questions and pressed hands over it’s mouth. “ DASSA SECRET!... Common I SHOW YOU! “ The tiny gray SIR unit scampered into another room and jump on the sill of toilet, balancing on the porcelain, it’s tongue luring out of it’s mouth. “ Hope on in, Miss, Issa fun ride. “

Marvin approached the item the robot stood in with a mix of horror and disgust, Tho his knowledge of earthling items wasn’t as vast as he’d like, he knew what the thing the robot stood on was. His obvious uneasiness was evident in the way his large eyes canted and squinted. “ But.. But that’s a earthling waste disposal unit. Oh no.. I’m not climbing into that, that’s positively dirty! Disgusting! “

GIR broke out in a hysterical of giggles! It bounced up and down inside the bowl now. “ Master doesn’t make potties, Missy! No one does here. Well Keef did once, but thazza big long story for another day. “ It began to coax the Martian toward the bowl by waving it’s tiny hand forward. “ Jump on in! Issa fun! Takes yer picture too. Jump in, Jump in, Juuuuump in!! “

A long hard shiver slid down the Martians spine as he finally gave in and hoisted himself up onto the toilet and slid his shoes into the bowel. Face seemly forever converted to a mask of disgust. ‘ Oh very well, But hurry up and make it work.. I think I’m gonna be sick. “ Marvin curled his gloved hands under his own armpits and gave the robot a begging look.

“ Hehehehhee. Hang on, Miss, issa BUMPY RIDE! “ Gir squealed out and flushed the toilet.

“ Bumpy.. I don’t like Bu...EEEEEEEEE! “ Marvin squealed back as he was sucked down the toilet, Squalling the entire time as he was pull blindingly through this long winding tube. Tho it was a very short ride, it seemed to take forever In the Martians mind, and he was all put twitching by the time he landed rather unbalanced upon a moving platform.

“ ,,,, “ A low whine escaped him and he found himself upon his knees on some kind of elevator, heading downward. As he pulled his gloved hands from his eyes. Almost immediately a very large vast area was lite up.

“ Oh ...my.. “ The Martian slowly stood as the elevator reached the ground and his large eyes got even bigger in his dark fast as he gazed at the vast laboratory before him.

There were tubes everywhere. Blue and purple and yellow and green. All sorts of creatures and items floating inside of them. Many earth creatures, even humans suspended in frozen animation. There were all sorts of robots doing all sorts of jobs. Checking the tubes, fixing errors, even one vacuuming the floor. Marvin slowly stepped from the platform and began to slowly drift toward all the machines. “ My.. My .. My our Irken might serve a purpose after all.. “ Marvin clamped both hands together and gave them a diabolical rub. There was all types of tools here. Tools and metal. This was perfect.

“ Dis is Master’s favorite lab! “ GIR had seemed to pop out of nowhere, a vent of some sort, and rolled to the Martian’s feet, looking up at him. “ He makes cookies here, maybe he can make cookies with yew, Miss! “ Of course, Zim didn’t make cookies, but GIR thought so, and Marvin didn’t even understand that.

“ Cookies? “ A glove hand patted the SIR Unit on it’s head as he stepped past it. “ I’m afraid I don’t know what those are.. Will they fix my shi?. “ He was eyeing some of the laser cutters, wondering how powerful they were. He didn’t touch anything tho, he wouldn’t break that rule Zim had laid down for him, but he was taking it all in.

GIR giggled again and pranced around the Martian. “ No silly, you eat them, They so gooooooood. Mmmm Mmmm. “

“ I’m afraid I’ve never had them. “ Marvin tilted his head at one creature floating in one of the many tubes and shivered a bit. Rather unpleasant seeing such. Martian’s had never been big on abduction other species. They preferred to study from afar. “ But I’d like to see one before I return to Mars. “

“ I GO GET YEW ONE! “ The SIR unit screamed at the top of its lungs, startling the living beejeevees out of the Martian. Marvin let out a little cough and patted the robot again.

“ T-that’s alright. I don’t need one right now, I’m sure it’s solid. “ He let out a sigh and made his way around some of the tubes and made it back to the center of the lab. “ Don’t tell your master.. But I DO have a mouth, but it’s only large enough for the consumption of liquids. “ Which reminded him. Marvin ran his gloved fingers over his face and canted his brows. “ I am awful thirsty. “

This seemed to please the robot even more, it jumped straight up in the air and screamed again. “ I GO GET YOU A POOP! “ And then dashed off down another exit, the lab seemed to have many of them.

“ Poop? “ The Martian echoed, blinking rather rabidly at the vanished SIR unit. Oh, he’d never get the hang of all these Earthling names for everything. Tho he was sure poop was something unpleasant. A rub at his temple and he turned back to the Lab. Stepping toward what looked like a control panel, he slid up to it and examined all the controls and buttons over the console.

“ I wonder if this is a communicator? “ He puzzled to himself. It did have a large screen floating above it. No doubt it was set to receive transmissions form Irk. They were under new rule weren’t they? He’d not seen images of the new Tallest. He was aware tho. That something THAT happened to the pervious ones. Dratted, maybe he’d ask Zim about it when he got back.

“ I’s got yer POOP! “ It appeared the robot had returned, this time popping up through a panel in the floor. It had also covered it’s body in some kind of disguise. A green animal looking one with a pink tongue and a more then blantonly obvious zipper. It was holding a green and pink container that was weeping condensation.

The Martian turned from the communicator and approached the SIR Unit. Reaching out, he patted it again. “ Why Thank you. “ He took the cold item from the robot’s outstretched hands and held it out before him. Looking it over, it had the words ‘ POOP SODA ‘ advertised across it’s metal service. Marvin blinked at the strange container, turning it this way and that. Looking for something that would allow him to retrieve the liquid inside.

“ Strange item. “ He quizzed and then shook it violently. Gir giggled and wagged it’s costume tail.

“ Pull dah tab! Do it, MISS! It’s yummah! “

“ Oh. “ Marvin quit shaking it and looked over the can again. Ah ha, right on the top of it was a metal tab.” It if had been a Plutonium ice worm, it would have bit me! “ So that was how you got to the liquid. “ Hehhee.. How silly of me. “ The Martian giggled and then popped the top.

The can EXPLODED! Spewing a messy freezing liquid all over the place. Marvin screamed and threw the item into the air. Gir also screamed, but it was with glee.

What was this thing that was VOMITING all over everything? Oh and he meant EVERYTHING! Over the consoles, the tubes, the floor and all over Marvin and GIR too! The robot seemed unaffected and began to roll in the mess squealing.

Marvin on the other hand was horrified with the mess, and the liquid as it hit his skin made him feel dirty. Covered.

The can had finally stopped spewing, and now clicked to a deadly silence in the middle of the laboratory floor. The Martian stood there, slacked and dripping with Poop soda. His eyes were wide and canted in worry. “ Oh.. My.. Goodness.. It’s.. “

He was gong to say it was a horrible mess, but the sticky liquid that had splattered all over him was starting to itch.. No not itch. BURN! It started slow, but became intense almost immediately.

Marvin panic and began scampering circles around the robot. “ Ow! Ow! Get it off, it’s burning me! The DIRTINESS IS BURNING ME! “

GIR seemed amused and sprung to action. Leaping to it’s feet, it snatched the Martian by his back and carried Marvin toward the elevator. “ YEWS NEEDS A BATH! “

Marvin let out a whine as the elevator shot back up the through the toilet. GIR was rather proud of itself as it seemed the hero, but tripped over the toilet sill and set the poor Martian flying out of the bathroom, through the kitchen and Marvin skidded face down right before the door of the Base.

.. Which swung right open, revealing a returning Zim, hauling a bag over his shoulder. The Irken took one look at the Martian, covered in Poop Soda and bellowed at the top of his lungs.

“ WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE TALLEST ARE YOU TWO DOING? “

End Chapter Three
Next: How to Clean a Martian

Chapter Four: How to Wash a Martian

There had no been much left of the little Martian worm’s ship. So it hadn’t taken long for Zim to pick up the charred remains of the now unless metal. He’d nearly considered simply dumping the bag of scrap into a dumpster, but then that pointy headed Dib or some other foolish human might stumble across it, So no, he would melt it down in his laboratory.

But behold! Zim knew he should have not left the little black, no mouthed creature alone in his layer. He’d not set but two booted feet within the house when the Marvin creature was at them. Writhing pathetically and covered with Poop soda.

He’d bellowed, immensely, and then snarled at GIR. “ What did you do? Have you been leading my enemy into the depths of my secrecy? “

“ Who me? Noooooo, Never. “ The robot giggled. Useless tinbutt. Zim ignored the flaying Martian even tho Marvin seemed to be writhing in pain.

“ Computer, damage report! ‘ he snapped. Seemingly all around his computer answered back, making the Martian jump in surprise.

“ Damage of sticky soda to Lab One-A, And boy-howdy, it’s a MESS! “

“ Soda?? “ Zim screeched back, stepping over the Martian to snatch a hold of his robot’s green dog hood. The item immediately stuck to his glove and he wretched in disgust. “ Ewwwwwww, It is sticky! “ He used a foot to pry his glove from GIR’s head, it peeled off like a melted piece of velcro. “ That’s disgusting, who knows what placenta of GERMS you are crawling with! “

“ Geeeeeerms? “ The Martian echoed, he’d finally pulled his skirted self from the floor and was now gripping his bare chested form with his dirty gloved hands. Perhaps the aspect of disgusting Earth viruses was enough to turn even the other’s internal organs. “ Do they burn? Do these germs burn, oh my goodness.. IT’s BURNING! “ He told Zim. Both arms were stretched out before the Irken Invader. Spots on his black skin seemed to be smoking lightly where ever he had been splattered with the soda.

“ Does it now? “ Zim couldn’t resist a curl of his mouth upon learning this. “ Tallest knows that the water on this planet BURNS me, who knows what horrible unimaginable things that substance is DOING to your filthy skin RIGHT NOW! “ He took pleasure for a moment by imagining such and watching the Martian’s eyes grow ever bigger and more alarmed.

“ Ugh no.. please... That’s horrible! “ Marvin answered him. He attempted to rub at some of the spots on his arms.

“ That soda could be eating away your skin like acid, and other icky nasty toxic sludge, Ooo Neat. “ Zim nearly had to raise a hand to wipe a bit of drool he was frothing at such pleasure in tormenting a foe. “ But as much as I wish to test this out on you, you must look your best for Skool. “

The Martian blinked, he nearly seemed on the verge of tears, tho his skin had ceased it’s smoking now. Too bad, perhaps the soda wasn’t a volatile as Zim had hoped. “ Skool? “ Marvin questioned.

“ Yes Skool! “ Zim snapped back before heading into the kitchen. “ Follow me, Marvin, and I will make you STINK of CLEAN! “

The Martian scampered after the Irken. Nearly running into Zim’s back. “ I don’t think I should.. Or even WANT to leave this house. Who knows what kind of horrible things will burn me? Oh dear, oh my. “

The Irken snapped around and paused, shoving a glove hand upon his captured foe’s chest. “ If you think I would leave you ALONE in my base after the MESS you have caused, you are sadly mistaken. NO! You will accompany me to Skool. So that the Dib-monkey can see that his plan to have me obliterated by you has FAILED! And when he does I will laugh in his big head face, just like this: “ And Zim did laugh, he threw back his head and let out a malicious cackle of “ Muwahahahahahahaa! “ Arms up in the air like the good little megalomaniac he was.

Marvin blinked. Head canting to the side. Tho his look of utter confusion did little to convince the Irken. “ ... okay? “

“ Never you mind that right now! “ Zim’s spider legs shot out of his pack and he rose off the kitchen floor and clinked his way over to the sink. He had little to fix for the Martian, since the sink was never used for dishes, but only to bath GIR when the robot became to stinky and dirty to bare. He turned on the facet and plug up the hole. Soon the pink puffy bubbles began to fill the sink. He then turned to Marvin again, and snapped his fingers at him. “ Clothes OFF! “

Marvin blinked again at him for a moment. Eye lids lowering as if the silly little creature was to take offense at his direct order to strip. A small humph escaped his no mouth and he obliged with Zim’s command. First thing to come off was the helmet. Zim was amused to find that the Martian’s head was round and lacking in any form of extra extensions. Gloves and shoes were slipped off next, and at last came the skirt, being oh so scandalously cladded as the dirty little creature was, the item simple snapped off and zipped to one piece in the other’s hand.

Zim stared for a moment. One eye scrunched. Still, this Martian seemed so..sexless. Even tho he was humanoid, he could see no signs of fleshy bits between his legs or anywhere else. The Irken’s antenna twitched for a moment and then he felt a little embarrassed for staring. Had someone seen him so nude, it would have been a downright crime. Tho, this Marvin didn’t seemed bothered by his overweening nudity. He simple crossed his arms and huffed again. “ ..and howww am I to get in that? “

‘ Like this! “ Zim said scornfully and reached down with both hands. He snagged the Martian by the waist and lifted him up to the sink. Marvin yelped a bit and his face flushed. Holding him just a little higher then was polite, Zim unceremoniously dropped the other alien into the water with a thunk.

“ Eeee! “ Marvin screeched, and then glared at the Irken. “ It’s not even warm! And how am I to wash myself with no cloth? “ He shivered, but Zim ignored it. Reaching into his pack to pull out scrubby pad with the Irken symbol on it, he simple reached over with his glove hand and snagged the Martian’s head. Sponge was dipped and he set to viciously scrubbing the top of the other alien’s skull.

Marvin shrieked again and attempted to move away from Zim while batting at the sponge. “ You’re hurting me, you insensitive jerk! I can wash myself! “

“ Nonsense. “ Zim rather mock cooed back to the Martian. “ Everyone knows that lower species have no idea how to clean themselves properly. “ He continued to scrub at the Martian, but he did lessen up on the pressure. As much as causing discomfort to the other alien pleased him, he did not want to damage him too much. They must attend Skool.

Marvin sighed and rolled his eyes at the Irken. Crossing his arms over his chest he lowered his eyelids and grumbled. “ And even tho you clean me, how is it I will enter this skool of yours? Honestly, I don’t look like an earthling. “

“ Easy. “ Zim replied, getting to the Martians back. “ Once you are dry I will have my Voot pick out a disguise for you you you WILL wear it so no gripping. “

“ Fine. “ The Martian’s eyes widened a bit more as the robot entered the room, it had shed it’s green costume and was now twirling around tossing the empty poop soda can back and forth. “ I will dawn this disguise of yours, Irken, but only on the terms that you help me fix my ship. I knooooow you don’t want me around for any longer then I have to be, now do you? “

“ Of course! “ Zim reached down and snatched up GIR, dropping it into the water next to Marvin. “ This is delaying my plans for conquering the Earth. I want you off this disgusting little planet as quick as possible. But I MUST attend skool everyday to gain the information required to do so. “

The Martian seemed to brighten once GIR entered the bath. The robot squealed in delight and stole the sponge from the Irken. It giggled and then began washing the Martian’s arm.

“ Ah, much more friendly. “ The Martian giggled himself for a moment. “ Reminds me of home, Communal bath!”

“ Communal? “ The Irken’s eye twitched at this. “ You mean your species will BATHE together? That is revolting! “ Zim couldn’t help but make faces at this. Imagining all these dirty little ebony aliens in one source of water or another. How utterly disgusting.

“ It is not. It’s simple a gesture of unity, family and... oh. “ The Martian’s eyes suddenly half lidded almost in boredom, and he leaned on an elbow on the side of the sink, letting the robot wash at his knees now. “ I forgot.. You Irkens, you’ve gone the way of cloning haven’t you, how positively dull. “

Zim had to humph himself at this. “ Cloning is standard issue. What need or want would we, such a powerful and dominating species, want with domestic wares? “

The Martian let out an amused little telepathic snort to all that and stood up in the water, running his hand over the top of his head. " ..And it's no wonder you Irken's are cold rather emotion depleted life forms. You lack of concept in love and lust makes you husks of a true species. " He shook his head, almost sad. " Well, I'm very happy to be communal, it's lovely, you should try it sometime. .. I'd like down now. " He held out his arms in a mocked fashion of a child, and closed his eyes.

“ Hush your brain MOUTH about true species, MARVIN. We Irkens will one day rule the universe and we will take your communal love and it’s dirty dirty water and DROWN you all in it like the worthless worms you are. “ Zim shook his fist at the Martian for a moment and then grumbling, lifted out out of the water and set him upon the floor. Reaching into the cabinet he pulled out a toweling blanket and tossed it over the Martian’s head. “ ..and cover the expansion of your naked flesh, you shall make me sick before Skool. “ Tho this was a lie. Zim just felt uneasy. He’d never seen a creature so free in simply nothing.

Marvin rolled his eyes yet again at the Irken and took to toweling off. Zim stepped away from the puddles and toward a closet, yet another entrance into his lab. It was not until he was well away from the water did he retrack his spider legs and put his booted feet upon the floor. He left GIR to play in the water. The house would watch the robot as it always does.

“ I’m positively freezing. “ The Martian complained as he followed along behind the Irken. “ So where is this disguise I am to wear? “

“ This way. “ Zim waved a hand and entered his lab. He stepped across the hard metal floor all the way to his Voot and disguise chooser. Sliding open the door, he stood aside and shot a thumb toward the compartment. “ Step into this and the machine will choose a design that will best fit your inferior body size and shape. “

Marvin paused for a moment. He eyeballed the machine and then the Irken for a long long moment. Perhaps he was thinking the machine was to melt him, or put him in a tube of goo. Zim entertained that idea for a moment, it would save him the trouble of taking him to skool. But no, he wanted to confront Dib. “ It’s NOT going to EAT you, wormbaby. “

“ Very well. “ Marvin sighed again. He swiped off the towel and shoved it into the Irken’s hands. Their faces came inches apart. Marvin squared an eye to Zim, almost as if he was testing the Irken for a bit of truth before stepping between the Voot's two doors.

The Voot closed around the Martian for a moment and Marvin squealed and yelled while it hissed and steamed. A few seconds later, the Voot dropped the Martian back to the floor.

Pink. Zim saw Pink. Lots of Pink. Apparently the Martian’s slim compact body design was best suited for a GIRLS tutu and leotard. A very frilly PINK ballerina dancers sort. Legs were left bare and a pair of not PINK matching tennis shoes, much like his originals upon his feet. White gloves upon each hand. But the thing that caught the Irken’s attention the most was the blonde cornrow wig with the ENORMOUS pink bow uthe the Martian’s head.

“ Well. “ Marvin tilted his head. “ How do I look? “

Zim felt a bit of spit slip fall his mouth and hit the floor. He blinked his pink and red eyes twice and raised a glove hand to his head to scratch. He couldn’t really answer that. His first response was to tell Marvin he looked like a GIRL. Very much like a GIRL. And there was no way on IRK or EARTH that someone was not going to mistake him for a GIRL. A very pretty GIRL. Pretty?

Zim shook the thought out of his head. “ Um.. You look fine. Very human. “

“ Doooo I? “ The Martian cooed. “ Do you have a mirror? I wanna see! “

“ Um Yah. “ Zim hit a button on a console and a glass mirror swung around. He squinted one eye, waiting for the silly little Martian to scream about his displeasure with the outfit.

“ Ooooo!. “ Marvin twirled around. “ Oooooo I LIKE this color! Very very lovely! “

Zim felt spit falling again. Eh.. Well maybe because he WAS wearing a skirt to begin with. What a strange.. silly, confusing creature this Martian was.

Once satisfied, with a few more twirls, with the outfit, Marvin turned back to Zim and put his hands on his hips. “ Sooo, Zim. When do we leave for this skool? “

Zim's eyes bugged open. Looking up at the clock, his antennae stood on end. " RIGHT NOW! " he shrieked. Crap! They were going to be late. He grabbed the Martians arm, and put the pedal to the metal. He practically ran up the tube which the elevator usually traveled - the two shot out from the toilet, sped through the base and onto the street and were gone in less then ten seconds. That's a new land speed record for the Invader if ever there was one. He’d barely remembered to grab his wig and contacts.

End Chapter Four

Chapter Five: Skool Kids are Cruel

ol wol was apparently the building he’d nearly avoided last t ont on his way down to Earth. A large structure with many wind and and it had an almost overwhelming despair feeling about it. Why on any planet the Irken would care to advert such a place made Marvin shiver slightly as he was tugged up the steps before the door.

“ Skool is filled with Earth children. Filthy disgusting Worm babies. Who knows what kind of diseases they harbor that might effect you. So.. “

Zim had his three clawed gloved hand clutched tightly to the Martian’s own, and it was more then uncomfortable with the way his squeezed. “ ..you shall attend skool with me, but you WILL not leave my side, and if any of the DISGUSTING worm babies question your sudden appearance YOU will tell them that you are a transfer student STAYING with my family, got it? “

Marvin had his free hand upon his wig fixing it as Zim pulled open the doors. “ Transfer student? “

“ Yes! And your name shall be... it shall be. “ Zim paused with his hand on the handle of the doors, giving the Martian on odd stare that made Marvin look down at his own disguise. He quite like the clothes himself, much like his Martian military uniform, but much softer, and such a nice color. The wig tho..was a bit strange. The Irken squared an eye. “ Marcia! MARCIA. You’re name is MARCIA. Remember that. “

“ Marcia? “ Marvin echoed as he was tugged into the Skool by the rude Irken. ‘ But that’s a girls name. I told you.. I’m NOT a girl. “

“ Well you’re DRESSED like one, so tough, MARC-I!. “

Dressed line?!ne?! Marvin, wide eyed again, glanced down at his outfit as they entered into the skool. These were a females clothes? He had no idea. They were nice, but.. Oooh, he picked his head up to snap something back to the Irken about it, but that’s when he noticed.

The earth children. Lots and lots of Earth Children. They were littered into the hall that gave them the appearance of trash that Zim referred to them as. Big eyed, large headed. All types of colors and different styles of garments.

And they were all staring. Right at him and the Irken that was leading him through the crowd. A few of them were even starting to giggle. Some of them were starting to point. The earth children stared and poi and and giggled, and it made Marvin feel very uneasy.

Or it may have been that he was losing circulation in his hand from Zim’s death grip. Either way, Marvin was nervous.

“ WHAT? “ Zim snarled at many of them. “ WE’RE NORMAL! Go leer at the lunch lady and her gold tooth. Be GONE! “ He snapped and shooed his hand at a red headed child that took off running; screaming in terror. “ HA! Victory is MINE! “ The Irken turned and grinned at the Martian as if he expected Marvin to praise him for his effects on the human children.

Marvin merely gave the Irken a pointed look from under his wig and tugged at his captured hand. “ You needn’t SQUEEZE so hard, honestly, you’re hurting me. You are positively crushing my fingers! “ He tsked at the other alien. “ You don’t have to be a chain. “

“ What? And give you the opportunity to go running OFF? Never!” The Irken seemed to establish this pont more clearly by tightening his grip even more, causing the other to writhe a bit. Positively inhabitable in his mannerism, Zim was being as boorish as ever. Marvin shot the Irken a murderous glance that was on the verge of being spoiled by tears of pain. Zim ignored it and pushed open the door of another room.

This room was filled with more earth children. All of them were laughing and cheering and screaming and throwing things. ( Sans one boy with a very large head off to the side. ) There was even a few animal noises heard here and there. But the second Zim tugged Marvin into the room, all action ceased and the room froze. Literally. Even the throwing paper seemed to pause in mid air. All eyes snapped to the pair in the doorway, most certainly on the fact that they were holding hands. Marvin blinked, it was so quiet he was sure they would have heard the sound of his lids closing together.

..And then they room broke into a roaring outburst. All the children began screaming with laughter, pointing at the aliens. Some took to rolling on their desk and a few of the female children began chanting out; “ ZIM’S GOTTA GIRLFRIEND! ZIM’S GOTTA GIRLFRIEND! ZIM’S GOT A GIRLFRIEND! “

The Martian shrunk back to the noise. He could feel his eyes widening and a panic starting to take him. It was like they were all around, laughing and yelling and pointing. He nearly hid behind Zim, not that the Irken would protect him from such a mob. Or would he?

Zim seemed at most, positively pissed off at all the uproar. “ Girl..friend? “ He screeched. Stabbing his free hand into the air and shaking his fist at the children. “ What is this GIRLFRIEND you speak of? TELL MEEEE! “ He jabbed a finger at the face of a girl-child with purple hair as if he was demanding an answer from her. But before that would could say anything, the quiet boy, the one with the unusual large hair jumped between the two, just as over dramatic as Zim himself, and snapped his finger into Marvin’s face.

“ Oh come on, you’ve got to be kidding me! Don’t you SEE?? “ The big headed boy poked Marvin right in the middle of his face and turned toward the children, who’d quieted somewhat but not completely, and screeched himself. “ SHE HAS NO MOUTH, CAN’T YOU SEE? “

Oh no! Marvin gasped slightly. The disguise wasn’t working, the human’s could see through it, what were they to do? He shot a panicked glance to Zim to see if they should run.

But Zim seemed nonchalant, if not only irritated about the observant human. “ Quit your ruse, Dib-human. “ Zim rolled his contact-hidden eyes toward the earthchild. “ You’re plan to have me a–ahhhhhhhhh beaten up by MARCIA here has been foiled! Don’t act like you don’t know her! “

Marvin blinked, as did this Dib. He looked over at the human who in case, looked right back at him with the same confused look.

Marvin shrugged. Dib did the same. And then they both looked back at Zim, who was taken the moment to drool over his present victory.

“ What? “ The Dib-human cocked a brow at Zim.

“ YOU ARE BEATEN DIB! MUWAHAHAHAA! “

Marvin was very confused. Almost to the point where he wanted to sit down on the ground and clutch his head for a few moments till it cleared, but he gathered his wits about it and did what he did best. Played it coy. While Zim was laughing, he turned toward the human and lowered his eyelids at the other. His free hand was shot out and he poked the Dib-human in the nose. “ Ohhh so you’re DIB! Why I’ve heard soooooooooo much about you! “

His poke seemed to creep the human out and he backed his big head up a bit, rubbing his nose. “ What? “

“ So nice tooooo meet you. “ Marvin continued. “ For the first time. “ He shot a glance to Zim, who’d finally stopped laughing and was starting to snarl again. “ Honestly. “

“ Quit your lying BOTH Of you! One can never lie and get away with it in front of ZIM! Fall to your knees in SHAME that your plan has failed. DO IT! “ The Irken shook his fist at the Dib-human and grimaced. “ Dooooooo Ittttttttttt! “

Marvin giggled slightly. The moment relieved some of the stress. Tho the Dib-human seemed as willing to bend to the Irken’s demands about as much as he was. “ Please. “ The human rolled his own eyes behind the glasses on his head and batted away Zim’s fist. “ So MARCIA..if that’s even your real name, where’d you come from? You a slave to the Irken Embassy or what? “ The Dib h lea leaned in close, squaring his eyes on the Martian. Hard. Very hard.

But this was very insulting. Marvin flushed when the other said this. His head sunk into his shoulders and his brows formed a Vee in his black face. “ Why I NEVERr! “ A foot was stomped and he ignored Zim’s flaying fist as the Irken continued to shake it at the human. “ You have made me very angry... very angry indeed! I won’t answer such horrible accusations! HUMPH! “ He turned from the human and stuck his free hand to his hip. Eyes closed and head tilted away and up.

Both Zim and the Dib-human gave the Martian blank stares.

“Oh a quiet one eh? “ Dib finally snapped and stomped his own foot. “ Well don’t you worry, I’ll find out everything about you, Just you wait and see! “ and then his attention fell back to the other alien.

But before insults could be tossed across the brooding Martian, the room got cold, as if the temperature had just dramatically dropped. It got quiet again, deathly quietly. Marvin opened his eyes to find a very snaky, very tall, very old human-female leering down at him. He could see his reflection in the large glasses she wore on her face, and his own pupils shrunk.

“ You. “ She hissed. “ Who are YOU? “

Now it was Zim’s turn to writhe and squeal in pain as the Martian clutched back to the Irken’s hand. He sunk back upon his heels as she continued leaning inward. The whole room was silent. It seemed the whole world had gone silent.

“ M-m-marcia... I’m staying with Zim family as a t-t-transfer student! “ Marvin squeaked out just as Zim had told him too do. He was honestly afraid this woman was going to eat him; or something horrible. She eyed him hard for a moment longer and then pulled away.

“ Very well. Dib, get to your seat, NOW. “ She slithered over to her desk and hit a button, as the Dib-human slunk back to his own. Another desk suddenly fell from the ceiling and nearly landed on Zim and Marvin. The Martian squeaked and jumped. “ NOW. “

And Marvin did. He sat his Pink tutu covered buttht dht down in the seat without a word, tugging Zim down slightly. The other alien had still not let go of his hand.

“ Zim. “ The snake-woman paused as she turned toward the chalk board. “ Release your grip on Marcia’s hand and GO to your seat, we don’t need another outbreak of Cooties like in 1854. “

Cooties? What on Mars where those? Zim seemed to be pondering the same thing and made a face. He finally let go of Marvin’s hand and slide down one seat taking his own desk, to a chorus of giggles that was silenced by the snake-woman beating a ruler upon her desk. Tho, before he sat down, he shot Marvin a look that could only be derived as ‘ I’m keeping an EYE on you ‘.

Marvin whimpered slightly and rubbed at his sore hand. He sunk as low as he could in the hard plastic seat. The woman, Ms. Bitters, it seemed she was called, began drilling on, something about them all being DOOMED for all time. It was really depressing.

Marvin sighed hard, and for a moment, glanced around the room. The Dib-human was staring at him, hard. Eyes glinting under his glasses, the same look Zim had just giving him. The Martian swallowed and snapped his attention straight ahead. Skool, was turning out to be a very disturbing place.

End Chapter Five